Courage

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.



Mark Twain, 1894



Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Resolutions

I am sure that everyone does, even those of you who say you don’t, make New Year’s resolutions.  Some of you may keep them to yourselves, some of you may proclaim them from the highest mountain, but everyone does it.  “This year I will eat less, exercise more, call my Uncle Randolph more often, etc.” 
It is probably more of a statement and hope than an actual resolution for some of you.  For me they are goals, for which I fail most of the time.  Maybe I should start making more statements and fewer proclamations.  With all that said, here are my 2012 Resolutions…

Health Resolutions

1.      Quit Smoking.  This one I have failed at for many years.  But, I do get a little better each year smoking less and less.  I HAVE to quit, I know this, I don’t need a doctor, family, friends, random person walking down the street to tell me how bad it is.  I know that it is.  I know that, I have heard it from school, commercials, parents, teachers, friend’s parents, preachers; even the little box they come in tells me so.   I don’t need anyone to remind me how badly I need to quit.  Trust me on this one.  Guilt only makes me angry.  If you take the cigarette from my hands or mouth I may punch you, no, I won’t punch you, but I will glare at you with a look that may make you extremely uncomfortable.
2.      Exercise more often.  Let me add this caveat, I already do exercise, but I am not pushing myself, I need to do that.  The slowly growing bulge above the waist of my pants tells me so, as does my new pendulum of a neck.

Character Resolutions

3.      Complain less.  I call it venting, and for the most part it is.  Now, I don’t complain to random people in the checkout line at the grocery, or make it competition when someone says they are sick, depressed, lonely, bored, angry, etc.  (I know people who do that, and it’s not a race to see who is more miserable, I never have understood that.  Do you really think you are winning if you’re worse off than someone else?  Is that something to be proud of?)  But I do vent/complain to my friends and family about not feeling well, money (or lack of), depressed, etc.  Probably all the same things everyone else vents/complains about, but I feel as though I have started to annoy myself, so therefore I must stop.
4.      Discontinue putting up with others negativity.  To be surrounded in a cloud of negativity all day is tiring, stressful and depressing.  There are people in my life that I love, but who are extremely negative.  As I have stated before I believe that I am not negative or pessimistic, nor am I optimistic, but I am a realist, with that said, I do not grumble and curse about everything, including but not limited to EVERYTHING.  Seriously? Is your life that craptastic that you believe that everyone is out to get you, hurt you, anger you, stump you, crap on you, make you look bad, slow you down and/or generally annoy you?  Buck up Buttercup, but there are over 7 billion people in the world and everyone has problems, you don’t own the patent.  I must stand up for myself more often and call them out on it, that or invest in an industrial staple gun.   (This of course goes back up to #3 where I feel as though I have started to complain too much, I am leaning towards the fact that I have negative people in my life and it is rubbing off on me, I can’t let that happen. Everyone needs to vent, but not about everything every day.  I don’t want to cut these people out of my life…I can’t actually, they are engrained, but I can decide how I am going to allow their attitudes affect mine, and try to help lift them.)

Personal Goal Resolutions

5.      Finish and publish the books.  I have GOT to get out of whatever it is I have gotten myself into.  Book ideas continue to come to me, I continue to jot them down (or record them safely on my handy dandy voice recorder) but I have yet to write.   ARGH!  What is my problem?  Lazy…I believe I have gotten lazy.  (there is probably a touch of fear in there too, because the closer I get to finishing them the closer they are to being published and although I have always said that it’s not about that, it’s about the joy of writing and being creative, it is still part of it. No one enjoys failing.) 
6.      Work on my house.  This comes down to funds and people I can rope into doing it for free…well maybe a sandwich or two.  Not many people want to climb around on an A frame roof hanging shingles for a Subway sandwich.  But I know there is someone out there…and I will find you!  I’ll even splurge and get chips and a drink, just don’t get carried away and ask for a cookie too.


So, there are 6 of my resolutions.  I probably have more, and unfortunately one or more of those may drop off as the year goes on.  All I know is that this year I turn 39…dear Lord…and I cannot continue to do some things (i.e. smoke), and I must do other things. 
Life is moving too quickly.  Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in the emergency lane watching it speed blurrily by, and sometimes I feel like I am caught up in the crazy, bobbing and weaving through life getting bugs in my hair.  But I tell you this, I feel like I am not living my life to its fullest potential, and 85% of that is from myself holding me back, and only I can decide to make the changes and let go of the reigns.

Happy 2012 folks!  I wish for each of you your resolutions fulfilled and your dreams to come true. 
M.L.