Earlier this week whilst sitting in rush hour traffic, which I do, daily, I looked to my right at the car sitting next to me on the passenger side, which I do, daily. Because frankly, I like to know if someone crazy is sitting next to me behind the wheel of a tens of thousands pound vehicle. I want to know my options, you know?
Anyway, whilst glancing at my surroundings my eyes refocused to a smear on my passenger window. About 4 inches long, 2 and a half inches wide, smear. I shrugged, thinking perhaps someone leaned against my car and made myself a mental note to remember to get it off later. Which I promptly forgot approximately 30 seconds later, as I have the memory of a goldfish.
Flash forward a day or two. I was once again sitting in rush hour traffic, which I do, daily, and once again I looked to my right at the car sitting next to me on the passenger side, which as I said before, I do, daily. I noticed the smear and grimaced when I remembered that I had forgotten to wipe that off. Then I noticed that it had a friend. This one was longer and thinner. About 6 inches and 2 inches wide and was running diagonal in the middle of the window. “Well, well, well,” I thought, “Hello there, where did you come from?” I made another mental note to wipe them both off and repeated it a few times coaxing my brain to retain the wiping command and then promptly forgot about it 30 seconds later.
Skip ahead to yesterday. I was once again sitting in rush hour traffic, which I do, daily, and I once again looked to my right at the car next to me on the passenger side (a handsome fellow in a red jeep with a bike rack on the back, ‘Hello’ to you.), which as I have said now, already two times, I do, daily. And low and behold there was a third smear on my window. This one ran the entire length of the window from top seal to bottom seal and was about an inch wide. “Seriously?” I exclaimed. “Who is using my car as a napkin?” I frowned and made a mental note to clean them off when I got home. Which I promptly forgot 30 seconds later.
Fast forward about 3 hours yesterday evening, while I was watering the flowers outside on my patio and I looked over to my car and thought to myself, “Man, I need to wash my car.” Then it hit me, the smears! I went inside immediately and gathered the Windex and a handful of paper towels (because clearly I have to do things when I think of them otherwise they will never get done) and proceeded to wash the smears from my passenger side window only to find that they wouldn’t come off. Thinking whomever it was that wiped their grubby paws on my window must have been eating deep fried something, or the alternative they themselves were deep fried in something, I scrubbed harder. Still, nothing, nada. They smears remained. “For the love!” I cried as a sweat rose on my brow from scrubbing the window. (My passenger side window is extremely clean now by the way.) I opened the car door and sat down exasperated. I stared at the window and contemplated what I could use to remove the heinous marks, and while I contemplated I decided to wash the inside of the window as well, I mean, come on, why not, I was sitting right there. Spray-spray-spray, big wipe…smear number one disappeared. “WHAT!” “Are you telling me these smears are on the inside?!” Sure enough, a few wipes later, the window was clean, inside and out and totally smear-less.
Here is what I want to know. Who has been in my car? I sit in the driver’s seat. Because as I made reference to several times before, I am stuck in rush hour traffic, daily, and trust me I am not sitting in the passenger seat when I drive. I cannot reach the passenger side window, or door for that matter unless I unbuckle and stretch across the middle console. No one else has been in my car for at least three weeks. Well, that I know of. Clearly I am mistaken. Someone must sit in my car when I am not in it and that my friends, is a problem. What else are they wiping and where? And how are they getting in my car in the first place? It is locked all the time, even when I am in it!
Is someone hiding under my back seat like they do when they smuggle people in from other countries? I sure hope not, but that would explain where the food goes that I have accidently dropped over the years. I never can find the French fry or Cheerio once it bounces from my leg and onto the floor. Have I been feeding and harboring someone who lives off of fries and cereal? And if not…how and what are these mystery daubs?
If so, they need to chip in on the gas, and perhaps tidy up a bit.
If you see someone in my car and it isn’t me, let me know, and give them a napkin.
M.L.
