I have driven on the interstate for some 19 odd years now, and I have seen some things, some normal, some funny, some heartbreaking and some downright crazy.
Here are a couple of my musings on the crazier things…
One of the strangest phenomena is seeing a shoe. One shoe. And those singular podiatric wrappers are usually tennis shoes with a rare occasion of a work boot. Never high heels, or sandals or flip flops, but perhaps flip flops fly further.
What made someone take off the one shoe and toss it out the window, or better yet, set it on top of their car/trunk then drive off? Don’t you think someone would notice if they are driving with just one shoe? And depending on how far they were driving, who wouldn’t go back and get a shoe? Because without its mate a singular shoe is…well….useless.
I can see if someone was driving home to Florida and lost their shoe somewhere in Indiana, just mark that one up to the angels and let it go, but across town? These are mostly tennis shoes; we all know how expensive tennis shoes are. How much money do these people have to lose a shoe and not care enough to go looking for it? If I lost a shoe…not that I would lose a shoe by means of interstate driving, but if I did, and it wasn’t a flip flop, I would go look for it. Minding the whole not driving across country issue.
People, seriously…look at your feet, and are you currently wearing two shoes? If not, you have a slight problem. Go to your nearest interstate, you are bound to find several to choose from, including the one you are missing.
Another strange phenomenon is furniture. Wouldn’t it be easier just to dump your used smelly furniture at waste management facility nearest to you? Must you drive 75 miles per hour down the interstate and hope that it falls off the back into oncoming traffic, then speed up to 85 miles an hour to escape the blame of the woeful drivers behind you trying to dodge the tumbling barcalounger? Oh, but you didn’t notice that it fell off. Really? Did the one hundred and fifty pound love seat just sneak right out of the bed of your truck? Clearly you underestimated this inanimate objects sneakiness. A strong breeze blows and your truck will shake, but a three hundred pound sectional falling out of the bed goes unnoticed.
People, if you are tired of your furniture, give it to Goodwill, Homeless mission or a help center near to you, they will gladly accept it, you don’t have to leave it die on the side of the interstate. Or in the alternative, for those of you who need furniture, instead of buying high priced goods, simply go down the interstate and take your pick. You may have to rent a steam cleaner and that urine smell may take a while to go away, but you will have a free, albeit previous enjoyed, piece of furniture.
On a side note, but also related to the interstate…this is a piece of advice.
When driving down the interstate, minding your own business listening to the radio channel of your choosing, or listening to a audio book, or chatting with a friend via the cell phone, and a tractor trailer passes you on either side and one of its tires explodes, do not panic, I repeat, DO NOT PANIC. Do not freak out and swerve ridiculously as though your car is being pelted with steel ball bearings. You will not die from the sound of their tire exploding. Your car will not crash from the sound of their tire exploding. Nine out of ten times, they hardly notice if their tire explodes, unless it is one on the cab. Calmly speed up or slow down and either pass them or let them pass, because at some point the exploded tire will start to fly apart and that will pelt your car and scare the crap out of you. But, if handled calmly all of the flying pelting parts can be avoided and you will set an example for your fellow drivers so that they too will not swerve ridiculously causing a major catastrophe and possible bodily injury. You are, however, allowed to pee on yourself should this happen right next to you. I won’t tell anyone.
Drive safe out there, keep an eye out for shoes and flying coffee tables,
M.L.
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