On this 12th day of December I would like to break down the famous Christmas carol as I see it.
12 Drummers Drumming – Well, that would just be loud, unless it were at an outdoor venue, say in a drum line on a football field.
11 Piper piping – Again, probably fairly loud. Is that a sign I am getting old?
10 Lords a leaping – You’d need an outdoor venue for this one too, otherwise someone is going to run into some furniture and sprain something.
9 Ladies dancing – Depends on how they are dancing. Line dancing probably can be done in a fairly large room with furniture only around the walls perhaps. Now some club dancing usually can take place in a 2 foot radius around the person, but I doubt that is the type of dancing these ladies are doing. Otherwise the Lords would stop leaping and watch the ladies dancing.
8 Maids a milking – Hopefully in a barn and not inside the house. Because it is not just the 8 maids, it is 8 cows too. Frankly, I don’t want 8 cows in my house.
7 Swans a swimming – I believe that swans are some of the larger water fowls. So a bathtub wouldn’t accommodate 7 of them swimming. There would be fighting and biting and a lot of water damage. Is the correct term 'bite' or does that require teeth to be termed biting? Swans don’t have teeth.
6 Geese a laying – I would hope that this would be in a barn or some other building outside of my home. Geese are also larger fowls, so I would say that 6 geese and 6 nests would take up a pretty fairly large amount of space and you already possibly have Lords leaping and Ladies dancing. Someone or something is going to get broken and I do not want the Humane Association to come to my house.
5 Golden rings – I’d prefer white gold or silver, but I would gladly accept 5 golden rings. Platinum is also very nice. Clearly my true love doesnt know me very well.
4 Calling birds – In a cage, like those ones at doctor’s offices, and someone to come and clean it like the people who clean fish tanks.
3 French Hens – I have never seen a French hen, I don’t know if they are different from a regular hen. But I would like them to remain outside as well. They may have a coupe or they can reside in the barn with the cows that the maids are milking and the geese that are making a mess.
2 Turtle doves – They look like pigeons to me. I’ll pass.
And a Partridge in a pear tree – Susan Day or David Cassidy in a tree? I don’t think they would like that very much. Might get cold up there in the winter, especially now that my true love is giving me these things in December.
And who does my true love think he is? Why can’t he just get me a car or perhaps a trip to Ireland? I don’t have a barn, or a coupe or even a football field. What’s with all the birds? He never even considered that I could have ornithophobia. Why do I even love him!
I could build a dog house out back but he didn’t even give me a dog.
Merry Christmas!
M.L.
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